Tinggal Kasih, Tinggal lah Sayang
Recently I watched this movie again, about half hour before it ends. The first time I watched it was a few months ago, on Astro Ria. Simply put, it's about a wife whose husband had just passed away, and in his will he leaves everything to her including asking her to take care of someone named "Kasih".
If you're a woman, and married, can you imagine learning about your husband's second wife after his death? Can you imagine having the responsibility to tell your "madu" about hubby's death? Can you imagine being given "the honour" to take care of her for the rest of both your lives?
I'm not married. So I don't feel like it's my place to comment elaborately.
But I am human. And I do have feelings (although it can be exaggerated at times :P).
What did I feel for the first wife (played by Nasha Aziz)? Sympathy definitely. I guess if I were her, I would've felt cheated. Beyond words. I mean, hubby comes home everyday at 3-4am. Naturally wife assumes he's busy with the company. Oh, he's busy alright, and the company is another woman. No, make that another wife.
At home, the husband is perfect. Treats her nice, very loving, etc. Obviously he's very good at hiding the fact that he's got a second branch elsewhere. Either that, or wife number 1 is absolutely clueless. If there were classes called "Signs of Cheating Husbands 101" wife number 1 should be among the first to sign up.
Wife number 2 (played by Ellie Suriati) thinks hubby is a jaga / security guard (and not the millionaire businessman that he is). Who works from 3am to 6pm or 7. Hubby only comes home around 7pm and leaves for work again before 3am. Furthermore, once he comes home to her, he would help out at the gerai (she sells food at a foodstall, can't recall what though), until the wee hours of morning. (Superman ke? Doesn't he need sleep?) The movie portrays Ellie as an unassuming girl – maybe it's this trait that attracts the hubby in the first place. Complete opposite of Nasha's character of a sophisticated city-girl.
I wonder about Johan (Eizlan Yusof's character). Why lead two lives? Afraid of... what? The hatred he would see in first wife's eyes? (What wife wouldn't?)
Afraid that wife number 1 might issue an ultimatum – choose either No.1 or No.2? Couldn't bear the thought of either wives hating him?
As it was in the movie, both wives think the world of him. Perhaps he wished his wives to remember him as a good man, a good husband, a good provider.
And isn't it nice of him to tell the first wife that he has a number 2 in a letter? And to also tell her that should anything happen to him, wife number 1 must take care of wife number 2. How nice eh?
Perhaps the husband has his reasons to marry a second one. If I'm not mistaken, towards the end it was revealed that wife number 2 is sick – cancer I think. So the second marriage wasn't about the sex then? He genuinely wanted to.. errrr, take care of her?
Oh, did I mention that wife number 1 is unable to conceive any child?
Hmm, so is that a good reason to pasang a second wife? To get children?
This is a sensitive issue. I'm NOT questioning the right of a muslim man to marry more than one. I know that's a given. And I stress again, I'm not questioning that.
But I believe that if a husband wants to take a second wife, or third, or fourth, come out clean – before the solenmisation ceremony with the second wife. Why hide?
Afraid of fights with the first wife? I mean, if a husband have already made up his mind, sometimes no matter what the wife does, he would definitely stick to his plans.
Explain your reasons to your wife.
I'm not guaranteeing that your wife will accept your reasons; I'm just saying she deserves to know why on earth would you want to take a second wife.
***
I know a couple who's quite a high-profile in the business world. Their business is doing rather well, perhaps getting hundreds of thousands of Ringgit Malaysia for monthly paychecks. Big cars (5-series, X5), big house, blessed with good children. Both are religious and God-fearing people.
One day, the husband told the wife that he likes someone, another woman.
I assume under normal circumstances, a wife would be screaming and yelling and crying and trying to understand what's wrong with herself that the hubby decides to take another wife.
Instead in this case, the wife - being the unbelievable soul that she is - asked for her name and other details.
Why, you ask?
So that she could personally ask for the woman's hand in marriage – for her husband!
The couple is still married – the last time I saw them, they were very happy and very, very loving.
And yes, the husband did marry a second wife. From the pictures I've seen, wife number 1 and wife number 2 are in very good terms. Their relationship with each other is a close one, more like sisters. And the husband is obviously in love with BOTH of them.
***
What I can conclude is this:
You know that parents have this ability to love their children, no matter how many children they have? Be it 1 child, or 3, or 13 children, the parents will love them, and love them all (well, mind you, there could be cases of favouritism, but that's another story).
I think everyone is capable of doing that – to love Person B without loving Person A any less.
Yes, including a husband, who perhaps is capable of loving more than one wife.
To love equally or otherwise, that's a different matter altogether.
If you're a woman, and married, can you imagine learning about your husband's second wife after his death? Can you imagine having the responsibility to tell your "madu" about hubby's death? Can you imagine being given "the honour" to take care of her for the rest of both your lives?
I'm not married. So I don't feel like it's my place to comment elaborately.
But I am human. And I do have feelings (although it can be exaggerated at times :P).
What did I feel for the first wife (played by Nasha Aziz)? Sympathy definitely. I guess if I were her, I would've felt cheated. Beyond words. I mean, hubby comes home everyday at 3-4am. Naturally wife assumes he's busy with the company. Oh, he's busy alright, and the company is another woman. No, make that another wife.
At home, the husband is perfect. Treats her nice, very loving, etc. Obviously he's very good at hiding the fact that he's got a second branch elsewhere. Either that, or wife number 1 is absolutely clueless. If there were classes called "Signs of Cheating Husbands 101" wife number 1 should be among the first to sign up.
Wife number 2 (played by Ellie Suriati) thinks hubby is a jaga / security guard (and not the millionaire businessman that he is). Who works from 3am to 6pm or 7. Hubby only comes home around 7pm and leaves for work again before 3am. Furthermore, once he comes home to her, he would help out at the gerai (she sells food at a foodstall, can't recall what though), until the wee hours of morning. (Superman ke? Doesn't he need sleep?) The movie portrays Ellie as an unassuming girl – maybe it's this trait that attracts the hubby in the first place. Complete opposite of Nasha's character of a sophisticated city-girl.
I wonder about Johan (Eizlan Yusof's character). Why lead two lives? Afraid of... what? The hatred he would see in first wife's eyes? (What wife wouldn't?)
Afraid that wife number 1 might issue an ultimatum – choose either No.1 or No.2? Couldn't bear the thought of either wives hating him?
As it was in the movie, both wives think the world of him. Perhaps he wished his wives to remember him as a good man, a good husband, a good provider.
And isn't it nice of him to tell the first wife that he has a number 2 in a letter? And to also tell her that should anything happen to him, wife number 1 must take care of wife number 2. How nice eh?
Perhaps the husband has his reasons to marry a second one. If I'm not mistaken, towards the end it was revealed that wife number 2 is sick – cancer I think. So the second marriage wasn't about the sex then? He genuinely wanted to.. errrr, take care of her?
Oh, did I mention that wife number 1 is unable to conceive any child?
Hmm, so is that a good reason to pasang a second wife? To get children?
This is a sensitive issue. I'm NOT questioning the right of a muslim man to marry more than one. I know that's a given. And I stress again, I'm not questioning that.
But I believe that if a husband wants to take a second wife, or third, or fourth, come out clean – before the solenmisation ceremony with the second wife. Why hide?
Afraid of fights with the first wife? I mean, if a husband have already made up his mind, sometimes no matter what the wife does, he would definitely stick to his plans.
Explain your reasons to your wife.
I'm not guaranteeing that your wife will accept your reasons; I'm just saying she deserves to know why on earth would you want to take a second wife.
***
I know a couple who's quite a high-profile in the business world. Their business is doing rather well, perhaps getting hundreds of thousands of Ringgit Malaysia for monthly paychecks. Big cars (5-series, X5), big house, blessed with good children. Both are religious and God-fearing people.
One day, the husband told the wife that he likes someone, another woman.
I assume under normal circumstances, a wife would be screaming and yelling and crying and trying to understand what's wrong with herself that the hubby decides to take another wife.
Instead in this case, the wife - being the unbelievable soul that she is - asked for her name and other details.
Why, you ask?
So that she could personally ask for the woman's hand in marriage – for her husband!
The couple is still married – the last time I saw them, they were very happy and very, very loving.
And yes, the husband did marry a second wife. From the pictures I've seen, wife number 1 and wife number 2 are in very good terms. Their relationship with each other is a close one, more like sisters. And the husband is obviously in love with BOTH of them.
***
What I can conclude is this:
You know that parents have this ability to love their children, no matter how many children they have? Be it 1 child, or 3, or 13 children, the parents will love them, and love them all (well, mind you, there could be cases of favouritism, but that's another story).
I think everyone is capable of doing that – to love Person B without loving Person A any less.
Yes, including a husband, who perhaps is capable of loving more than one wife.
To love equally or otherwise, that's a different matter altogether.
posted by Yam @ 9:47 pm
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