Does your table represent who you are?

I'm bored, obviously. So here I am at my workstation in the office, and I'm just looking at this heaps of paper hills on top of this thing called a table. What a mess.

So, does your work space represent who you are?

Let's take some of the people in my department for example.

1.The Boss
The Table: A lot of papers. And boy, I mean A LOT. Proposals, meetings schedules, minutes to meeting, more proposal papers, discussion notes, meeting notes. Some decorations on her PC. 1 photo of herself, none of family.
The Person: A bit of a nag. The children always calls the office, and she would normally layan them. Sounds more like a friend than a mother to her two kids. Oh yeah, well known (in her previous department and in ours) as a perpetual latecomer.

2.Jikin
The Table: Some papers, normally the source of info for the reports that she does. Some reports for filing, original signed papers. Photos of her three children, but none of her own or husband's. Some decorations on PC / table area - bunga telur, 3 containers with plants (I don't know what's the name, hehe), Mother’s Day gifts from her children, some bunga rampai from weddings.
The Person: Good organisational skills - she's the one with the headache to arrange meetings. Good communication skills especially when she needs to get things done. Those she despises, beware of her sharp tongue and icy glares. If looks could kill, the Icky Guy would be rotting in his grave now.

3.Shars
The Table: Quite neat, though when she's deep in her work, the place can be quite a mess. The tray is a bit of a shambles, as she chucks the not-so-important things in the tray - to be sorted out later. Photos of her 2 nieces, and group photos of herself & friends back in university in Sydney. Some deco on PC – soft toys, a Mickey figure, a musical toy. Also a container filled with food (read: choc & sweets & biscuits). I can see some cereal boxes (the small ones), which I remember her saying: “To be my breakfast when I have nothing else to eat”.
The Person: Finishes her tasks very well ahead of deadline. Very serious in terms of timeline. Basically, her work has turned routine (the same thing month after month after month), and as such she became VERY efficient at doing it. Comes in the office before 9am, and leaves at 5.30pm sharp everyday.

4.Myself
The Table: Messy. Lots of papers, probably even more than those on The Boss’ table. Hehehhe… Files, diskettes (used and unused). Pens, pencils, a pair of scissors, highlight markers, cutter inside a mug. Some tidbits for munching (chicken crackers? I dunno what to call it lah). Two group photos of friends & myself (one in Newcastle, another at Sha’s wedding – both pictures include The Girls), although I don’t have any photos of the family. No excuse lah, just never get to bring family photo to work – highly forgetful hehe.
On my PC: Oscar soft-toy, a dolphin soft-toy, a soft-toy koala-keychain, and a plastic lantern which Shars bought for me in Hong Kong.
The Person: Aiseh, where to begin? I’m shy if I don’t know you, but once kenal, mostly I’d rather listen than talk. I’m definitely a good listener. :)) Work-wise, I’m normally slow; probably ‘cause I pay too much attention to details (which sometimes are not THAT important in the first place). Serious trouble in delegation, and sometimes can screw up my priority list.
I don’t like to be the centre of attention.
I don’t think I’m very good at expressing myself verbally – most of the time I would rather write a letter or an email or SMS. Err, that’s called tongue tied, right?
I can be lazy at times, and I admit I excel in procrastination. I LOVE to daydream. And I can be a hopeless romantic - thanks to the kind of books I read. Although, currently there's not much of a love life to mention now.
I'm very loyal once you've gain my trust. But betray me and I suddenly have very good memory of what you've done. Forgiving, yes. But what's the use of forgiveness if one cannot forget eh?

Aiseh, enough lah tu. Hehe..

Back to my earlier question. Hmm, I honestly don't know. Probably. Probably not. I mean, it's up to the individual lah. If you can work with lots of things on your desk, then go ahead. If you feel like you need your desk to be spotless, by all means, it's your call.

The bottomline is: As long as you get your things done, the condition of your work space is not of concern.

And maybe, it does give a little hint, here and there, of the character a person might possess. But hey, don't read too much in all these hints. If you want to know something, ask. :-)

Oh young ones, the heartache & pain that you bring...

A dear beloved friend called me up the other day. When I first saw her name flashing on my mobile, I smiled. My first thought: “How nice to hear from her at this hour.” (It was night time and I was at home.)

So I picked up the call, expecting a session of gossiping maybe, or perhaps an invitation to lepak & chit chat.

Imagine my shock when I heard her voice – OMG! She was sobbing away while saying “Hi”. I was speechless for a moment. I thought something bad has happened to her. Accident? Robbery? Death of a family member?

The first 10 seconds of the call passed by, and I’m able to breathe again. *Sigh* Woman, you gave me a shock!

No, I don’t mean to belittle her problem. But when I first heard her voice she was crying, and of course my imagination ran amok!

Turned out that she’s having a bit of heartache in dealing with the younger siblings.

Honey, I can totally relate to what you’re feeling. Oh, believe me when I said that.

The young ones, they sometimes take us big sister / brother for granted.
As if the companies we work for would happily hand out fat paychecks at the end of every month.
As though we plant money tree in the backyard. Cash is never a problem, right?
As if we’re gonna be around forever.

Face it honey, it is hard being the eldest child.
Even harder when the younger ones get away with things, and so we’re stuck with whatever responsibilities being pushed into our laps.
Even harder when we’re the ones with willing ears to listen to the parents complaining about the younger ones.
And harder still when we have good hearts, and we don’t dare to even think about hurting the parents’ hearts, so we try to be the best daughter / son that we can be.

I’m sorry. No intention whatsoever to imply that the eldest child is always the best, or the most responsible. I’m simply sharing how I feel as the eldest of a few siblings.

Try talking to the one causing you pain. Try not to turn it into a shouting match, will you? If you can’t bear to talk to her / him, why not try to talk to another sibling (who isn’t currently not causing you any heartache) – with the hope that she / he will tell the other one about your feelings. The point here is to make them understand what’s hurting you. And doa banyak-banyak that they don’t do it again.

Or if that’s not possible, talk to a friend. Let it out of your chest. Hopefully, you can let go of the pain.

I guess heartaches and pain are part and parcel of being a family. So try not to dwell too much on it. Life goes on, woman. And it’s short, too! Count the blessings instead.
And sometimes, despite all the heartaches and pain, you realise that you still love them.

And that, my friend, is what family is about.

"To Do" list

To do:

1. Apply leave for Monday 30/8/2004 and Wednesday 1/9/2004
2. Monthly Reports (due Monday 23/8/2004, 3pm)
3. Pay Maxis bill
3. Finish reading "Jack Shall Have Jill"

On the book "Jack Shall Have Jill" by Juliette Mead, hmm... this book has taken too long to finish. I must confess that I find the book rather dull (sorry Sheils, this book being yours, kena apologise I think), or maybe my heart is just not with the book. Also maybe 'coz I'm not focussed enough. Another minus point would be, the author goes back and forth between present time (1997) and the past (1986) of the lives of the characters in the book. And I personally find that very taxing on my concentration.

In short, I don't quite enjoy her book. She has some interesting points to feature though. Perhaps it's the way she writes it. A bit too long-winded at some junctures. Hehehe..

And after reading the first couple chapters of this book, my first thought of the main character, Olivia, is that: This is one selfish girl, grown to be a selfish woman indeed.

After reading most of the book (I still have about 20 pages to go), I find that Olivia is just following her heart. Which means, she's making herself priority. If that makes her selfish, then tough. Also, she's very good at wrapping people around her little finger. Especially if that person is of the male species.

Hmm, come to think of it, that sounds like some people I'm acquainted with.

OK, I definitely have to start another book soon. This book is making me depressed.

Wishing you a great weekend ahead :)

Wearing orange :))

I'm wearing a baju kurung with orange coloured roses, and a light orange tudung to match.

No, no.
Not because of Zahid, who emerged top in Konsert Akhir Akademi Fantasia last Saturday. Although I did choose this colour when selecting what to wear to meet The Girls last Saturday :D

And no, not because I miss Akademi Fantasia. Although, for the past 10 weeks, every weeknight at 11.30pm to 12.30midnight, I have been glued in front of the tube to catch the back-to-back Diari Akademi Fantasia.

And not because of Garfield either. Although, this orange ball of fur is currently playing at the cinemas (I should get the VCD. Abah has been telling me for days that he wanted to watch the movie Garfield.)

Just because I feel like being orange. Itu saja.

Plus, I heard that, if your mood needs some cheering up, wear something orange.
Or did I hear wrongly?

At last, The Girls gathered!

At last! It's been wayyyy long overdue, this gathering.

Saturday
Gathered at Sha's place. Let's see, who were there:
- Sha + Baby Hans + Sha's parents + Sha's sister Ati. (Although, Sha's Hubby had to work.)
- Darls
- Sheils
- Zuec
- Mel + Hubby Fik
- Fara + Baby Yasmin + Hubby Akob
- Yours truly here ;-)
Rina couldn't join us as she had to attend some "do" in Malacca. And Lia is way up north, so she couldn't possibly join us.

Oh yeah, I got there late. Erm, traffic jam. Plus I got lost! Hahahah... Well, look at the bright side. Now I'm confident I can get to Sha's house on my own! :D

We didn't stay too late. Everyone made a move at around 7.05, before Maghrib. Fara & family went straight home. Mel & Fik, Darls, Zuec & Sheils were all heading to Sheils' place in Cyberjaya. I went home straight - didn't want to miss Konsert Akhir Akademi Fantasia! :D That's one of the reasons I drove like a woman possessed! LOLs..


Sunday
Drove to Mid-Valley. Hmm, decided that next time I go to Mid-Valley, it'll have to be on a Sunday morning. Lots of parking spaces! Hehehhe..

Bought movie tickets for Darls & myself. We decided to watch Catwoman. Waited for Darls & Zuec to have breakfast at Ayamnor. Not bad Nasi Lemak. But definitely expensive, man. RM5.90 for a plate of rice, ikan bilis, kacang, sambal, 1/2 egg, a piece of roasted chicken? *Sigh* The price outside is RM2.50 to RM3.50 only. Oh well, what do you expect, eating breakfast in Mid-Valley, eh?

Zuec decided to do some window shopping. She even managed to get some wedding gifts for a friend.

Darls & myself drooled over Benjamin Bratt. *sigh* That man is so GORGEOUS!!

The three of us parted at around 4.30. Made a pact to catch more movies in the near future. Maybe "Puteri Gunung Ledang". And perhaps too, "The Village"?

Until next time, Girls. InsyaAllah that won't be too far away.

A poem from the past

I was first introduced to this classic poem when I was in secondary school. Probably when I was in Form 1 Angsana. Hmm.. come to think about it, maybe I was in standard 6.

I'm not a poet. Nor do I appreciate literature enough to really understand poems that I come across.

But, this particular one somehow managed to get my attention from the first time I read it. I see it as an advice, a good one in fact, which I can take to my heart and try to follow.


Salute to Mr Kipling. This one's an absolute treasure.

---------------

IF - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you,
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise.

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster,
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken,
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew,
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you,
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

---------------

Falling out of friendship

Darls confided to us Girls about another set of her friends. School friends, if I’m not mistaken. I’ve met them once, so I can’t say I know them well.

I know Darls used to go on vacations with these friends of hers. There was once when Darls commented that it’s hard to arrange a vacation with us Girls; no commitment from us, said Darls. Her words did hurt me a little, and I think I’m not the only one who felt that way. Anyway, that was the past. I love Darls, and probably she said that out of frustration with The Girls (it WAS difficult to arrange for a vacation with The Girls at one time not too long ago).

Darls had sort of a falling out with her girlfriends - she said those friends have been hanging out without her, not even telling her of their plans for their next vacation. Never a word to invite her for lepak-lepak, or for coffee.

It is sad really when a friendship begin to fall apart. Especially when the friendship has been around for ages.

I always remember this simple rhyme that someone wrote to me:
Make new friends
Keep the old
One is silver
The other is gold.

I'm SO worn out

Yeah. That's what I would call myself right now. I get tired SO easy lately.

Hmm.. someone suggested the gym, to build up stamina. Out of habit, I replied: "No, I'm too lazy."
Hehe, is there a direct correlation between level of tiredness and level of laziness?

Oh yeah, being here at the office at this freaking hour only adds fuel to my lethargic state.

Delegation is really not my strong point. Right, I'm ready to sign up for "Delegation 101". Any idea where?

Abah just called. He's fetching me in a while. I'm feeling so guilty now. It's not like I want to be a burden. Sorry Abah, sorry Mak.
And Sheils' question: "When are you getting your Kelisa?" is haunting me right now. Nice timing lah. Now you come up in my head.

I feel like going for a cup of coffee, just so that my eyes are wide open. I don't drink coffee though, unfortunately.
Or maybe, fortunately. Just look at the number of cafes blooming up in KL. At least I know I won't be spending that much on a cuppa.

Busy busy

Woke up sleepy.

That was more than 9 hours ago.

It’s now 3.10pm and I’m back to being sleepy. Hehehe…

Mumue @ The Boss is back to the office, after 1 week ++ away from office. I’m still re-adjusting to her presence.

It’s gonna be a busy week ahead, with the Regional Meeting this Friday. Need to prepare reports for the meeting.
Also outstanding:
1. Update on Deposits info – kena cari more of Other Banks’ Annual Report (an excuse to go online, eh? LOLs…).
2. The Monthly Meeting draft minutes to be sent to Chairman.
3. Info to Ratings agency – S & P.
Adoi…

Enough talk about work. That’s depressing.

Will blog again later.

Cyberjaya Lodge

No no. That place is called Cyberview Lodge. I'm talking about Sheils' place. InsyaAllah I'm spending the night there. Tonight. :))

But first, will drive to KLIA with Mak to fetch Abah. Then we'll make our way to Cyberjaya, maybe stop at MMU to see Kai for a while.

That means, I should reach Sheils' place way past 11. (Aiseh, does that mean we're not going to have satay in Kajang tonight?)

Having breakfast with Darls tomorrow. Hopefully Sheils / myself can get up early. LOLs!

The thing is, the brain has already sent this message to the whole body: Tomorrow is 1st Saturday. No work.

And, the whole body has beginning to respond:
The lips can smile - happy lah, esok tak kerja.
The eyes are wide open - "we don't have to see work stuff for 2 days!" they said.
The head is not as heavy as last evening - a break from thinking about work. Will worry about Monday's stuff, on Monday morning.

Brain, you better start telling the body to move out of bed tomorrow morning. Early! ;-)

Happy weekend everyone!

Weird lah this guy

There's this guy. Let's call him Kat (OK, I know it sounds like a girl's name, but believe me it IS part of his name).

Actually Kat wasn't my friend when I first met him. He was, err... pursuing one of my girl friends. Kat and my friend were never an item, as she was already attached to someone else back then.

Much later, Kat's path and mine crossed, and he somehow become my friend pulak.

The last time I met him about 3 months ago, he told me he might get engaged to a girl of his mom's choice. A decent girl according to him.

The last time he called me, he confessed that he's not ready for marriage, and asked me: "How do I break off an engagement? I met a long lost cousin, and damn, she's great! I nak break off engagement, how lah?"

He's weird. OK lah, given that I've never been engaged, and the longest serious relationship I had lasted for about 9 months, I can't imagine what it feels like to be engaged.

At some points, I even wondered if the engagement was even real. Or is it just something he said to achieve... what? What did he expect me to say in response to his announcement actually?

And last week, when Linda was voted out of AF, Kat sent an SMS: "am shocked. very unexpected"
To which I replied: "you too?!"
And imagine my shock when he sent this in return: "am only human. p/s: i think i miss you"

Alamak! How do I respond to that one?

When I told the girl friend about Kat's SMS, she sounded... happy for me. Aiseh, you're NOT helping lah girl! :Þ

And earlier today, Kat called, asked me to have lunch with him. I told him I already made plans with Jikin and Shars. He asked me to cancel my plan with them and have lunch with him instead. I told him no. I think he's quite miffed, coz he immediately hang up.

Half an hour later he called again.
"You sure you don't want to change your mind?"
"No lah. I've already promised my two colleagues here. Not nice lah to cancel. And you lambat sangat call."

"Jom lah. You can have lunch with them on Monday."
"You come KLCC lah. I'm having lunch there. Come lah."

"Takmo. I nak bawak you gi gerai. Takmo KLCC."
"Apasal lambat sangat call. Next time call earlier. Book me early," I told him. "Next time lah then?"

"Hmm. OK lah."
Tut tut tut. Line went dead.

Hmm... weird lah this Kat. Did he really expect me to cancel my plans to have lunch with him?

Last time when I was going out with AT, I don't remember him asking me to cancel my plans to go out with him. And we were dating.

But this is Kat. And we're not dating. We're just friends. Am I expected to drop everything and go along with his plans?

Now that would be weird.

Stuck at workplace

It's past 8.30pm, malam Jumaat, and I'm stuck at the office. Ish, I'm supposed to get this minutes done before I call it a day.
Gosh... suddenly my mind's drawing a blank. Typing one sentence at a time. Hmm... bila tulis blog, the words flow just fine pulak! Mentel betul laaa!

I think I'll be sleeping over at Sheils' place tomorrow night. Since she's going to fetch her sister on Saturday morning - and she would be passing-by somewhere near my area - I think I can tompang her car to go home. Maybe can finally do long overdue breakfast, eh?

Talk about long overdue, the last time I watched a movie was a few months ago, I think. 50 First Dates. Err... how long ago was that, again?

Should definitely plan for a movie outing. This time will go with The Girls. Erm, as Zuex puts it: yang bujang sahaja. LOLs!

Oh yeah, we're catching Puteri Gunung Ledang! The much anticipated local production of the year. Just see the amount of advertisement, the video clip of songs in the movie (Asmaradana), etc etc. I hope it's not "Indah khabar dari rupa".

Abah just called, and he'll be fetching me here at the office. I think both Mak Abah want to drive around, might as well they fetch me.

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It's just a phase that I'm going through (I hope)

Forgive me.

I’m currently undergoing a phase where I believe everyone has turned his / her back on me. Recent events have fueled my suspicions that the world is plotting against me, and everyone is participating happily.

Knowing C, she has always been competitive, and I admire that trait in her. But lately, she’s been getting on my nerves. Competing for attention?

Oh no, no. She never openly said anything bad to me, or about me. But her actions, her words excluded me from the fun that she’s obviously going to have.

Why exclude me? Am I THAT threatening to her friendship with the rest of the world? She has always been the one that shines, mostly the centre of attention. Why me? I’m the one who stays in the background – I don’t enjoy attention. Most of my friends know this. And C does too.

You want to shine? Go ahead.
You want to be centre of attention? That’s fine with me too.
You want to prove to everyone that you’re the most happening creature on Earth? Be my guest.
You want to bolot X’s friendship? You can try.

I don’t care.

*sigH*
Who am I kidding? I do care. Else I wouldn’t be writing this entry.


C, you’re getting on my nerves!

No.
Let me rephrase that.

You hurt my feelings.
I feel excluded. I know I’m not exactly you best friend, and maybe you’re not mine either. But we’ve been friends. Good ones. For 5 bloody years. Even more than that. How would you feel if I deliberately exclude you from everything I do?

You know what? I even planned ways to get back to you.

Then I decided that I’m not gonna stoop to YOUR level.

You go ahead and do whatever you want. From this day onwards, I’m pledging indifference. To you. I’m sure you’ll be happy with one less friend who can threaten to steal the spotlight from you.

Maybe one day, when I'm seeing things in a different light, I'll change. And be, once again, the kind of friend that I've always been.

Last minute decision to "lepak"

Had an outing last night. Totally unplanned.

I was browsing through Friendster last evening (at the office) and I saw MK’s name. Acting on impulse I called him up. He asked me to come over to his workplace, coz B was coming to see him. So why not I join them and catch up?

Made a couple calls after that, and I ended up having dinner and teh tarik with MK, B, NZ, AC, and a guy (MK’s friend, can't recall his name lah).

And boy, was that a great bitching session I had with NZ. Talk about catching up! Hahahah…

I think the last time I met NZ (and AC) was about 10 months ago. Aiyoh, and we call ourselves friends?! Malu lah!!

As always the guys would talk about jamming, PC, bla bla bla. Whatever things that guys talk about. NZ and myself huddled ourselves close at the corner of the table and did some serious catching up. Oh, occasionally we would turn to the guys to hear out what they were talking about. Hehe… even Zahid’s name was thrown into the conversation. (How many Zahids are there worth mentioning? ;P)
Turned out that 4 of us at the table DID know Zahid when he was actively chatting! Well how about that? :D

NZ and AC sent me home afterwards, just in time for me to catch Diari AF 81 & 82.

Thank you NZ for last night. Had loads of fun in the kutuk-kutuk part. LOLs…! We should definitely do this again, dahling! ;)

Semusim - Marcell

Zahid performed this song in last Saturday's Konsert AF 8. And I fell in love instantly.

Here goes...

---------------
Semusim - Marcell

Semuanya telah terjadi
Cintaku telah pergi
Dan kini ku sendiri
Tanpa dirimu lagi

Tak mudah menepis
Cerita indah

Semusim
Telah kulalui
Telah kulewati tanpa dirimu
Tetapi bayang wajahmu
Masih tersimpan di hati

Tak pernah kubayangkan
Kau putuskan cintaku
Ku cuba untuk lupakan
Semua tentang dirimu

Tak mudah bagiku
Melupakanmu


By: Tohpati / Joel Achmad
---------------

Competitive? Or am I paranoid?

How do you handle a friend who’s competitive? How do you handle your own feelings when you have this kind of friends?

I have this friend, C, whom I’ve known for much more than 5 years. We have this one friend in common, X.

I think X is wonderful, and so is C. But lately, I haven’t exactly been very comfortable with C. My guts tell me that she’s being competitive. For X’s attention that is.

I’ve been sensing that C sometimes would like to draw attention that she is more a friend to X than I am. I’ve been wondering if C is trying to prove that she’s better than me in the friendship department. Prove to who lah? Herself?

I don’t need this kind of competition, which is think is really petty, and who benefits anyway? I certainly don’t. Don’t know about C though. Maybe her ego needs a boost? When other people see that C is a better / closer friend to X (than I am being right now), does that make C’s day? I wonder.

So, what to do when caught in this kind of situation? Confront C? Tell X how I feel? I don’t think X is aware of this, being the lovely soul that she is. Perhaps X will tell me that I’m just reading too much into C’s recent behaviours. Am I?

OK, admittedly my instincts can go haywire sometimes. But there are times when a woman has to listen to the little voice in her heart (or her head).

So, does that make me paranoid?

I don’t want to feel uncomfortable around C.
Sad to say, that’s exactly what I’m feeling now.