Is this my story, or yours?

I’m suddenly thinking about an email I recently read. Something about being a good friend doesn’t mean you’re a good listener. It’s true you know. Some friends / people just simply lack the listening skills.

I have my share of friends like this. They want to know the latest happenings of your life. Yet when you tell them of your updates, these friends would always, always find a way to cut your stories short and immediately tell you about THEIR “similar” experience pulak. I guess it all boils down to “I don’t have the patience to wait for your story to end, so I’ll just butt in and start telling you MY story”.

Let me give you an example.

A friend recently called me up after finding out about Abah’s near brush with death. So here I was telling her about how it affected his right side, and she immediately said: “Oh, macam aku dulu lah. Aku dulu kena sebelah gak, itu yang dulu muka aku macam senget sikit.” OK, so that got me speechless. Hello, I was in the middle of telling you something YOU want to know from me. Why the heck are you butting in with YOUR sob story pulak.

A few minutes later, I was telling her about when the doctor in Outpatient saw Abah:
Me: Doktor tu, after a few minutes tengok Abah, dia cakap, “Eh! This is not my case!” Terus doktor tu refer Abah kat, erm... aku tak sure sangat, but rasanya terus refer to Neuro.
Her: Aku tau. Aku tau. Refer kat ENT kan?
Me: Apa pulak ENT. Neuro lah.
Her: ENT dengan stroke kan berkaitan. Macam aku dulu, diorang refer ke ENT. Ear, Nose & Throat.
Me: (Dah start fed-up) No lah. Apahal lak hantar ke ENT. Neuro lah, that’s what the doctor said.
Her: Ye ke? Eh, aku dulu terus hantar gi ENT. Mesti ENT tu, not Neuro.
Me: Elow, ini aku yang cerita, ke kau yang cerita? Abah aku gi Neuro, and buat CT Scan. Bukan gi ENT.
Her: (Laughed out) Yelah, ini pasal Abah kau.
Me: Hehe... haa abih tu? Biar jelah aku cerita. (We both laughed some more)

LOLs... after hanging up with her, I grinned silly. I can’t believe I said those words to her. Even now I’m grinning in front of the PC!

Another example. This time about someone in my office.

There I was, telling The Boss about Abah’s condition. Someone in the office, who shall remain nameless, came by The Boss’ desk, and listened to what I was saying. When I said that the doctor wants to do angioplasty to Abah, she immediately piped in and said: “Yer, memang kena buat camtu. I punya jiran pun blablablabla…”

OMG! In terms of sharing of experiences, I’ve always found her extremely irritating. Cerita lah pasal apa benda pun, she would definitely have experienced something better / worse, or would know someone (family, relatives, neigbours) who has more sensational experience. Any topic under the sun – you tell it to her, and she would tell you back that she knows something about it too.

I remember once, someone who came back from Mekah performing her Hajj, was telling us about her experience. Suddenly this know-it-all woman boleh bukak cerita: “Yeah, memang macam tu. Memang kat situ panas. I tau situ panas tahun ni. Ramai yang dah cerita. Dalam berita pun selalu tunjuk.”
HELLO! If she HAD been in Mekah before, it’s understandable for her to say something along those lines. But if all your words are just based on other people experience, or from watching / listening to the news, then zip it lah, woman. It’s not like you know it first hand. Sheesh...

I’ve observed that this kind of people revels in other people’s adoration. That is, other people adore them for knowing a lot. So how to deal with this kind of people? Either you ignore them and continue with your story (which more often than not doesn’t work!), or just let them have their say and then continue with your story lah (OK, OK, it’s true that some of them can go on and on and on, and in the end, your story remains hanging mid-way).

Knowing a certain fact doesn’t mean a person can totally relate to what another person is feeling.

I have a sister, you have a sister. Does that mean that I know exactly what you’re going through, and how you feel, when you deal with her?
I fell down from the bicycle and broke my arm, and once, you’ve felt down from the bicycle too. Does that mean I know exactly how you felt when you hit the ground?

Not necessarily. Could be the same, could be different. We’ll never be sure.

I know my friends mean well. I think they just want to point out that they CAN relate to whatever I’m feeling. Or point out that they know and can understand my pain / sorrow / happiness / excitement (whatever feeling the situation calls for lah). I appreciate that. I really do.

The thing is, let me finish my story.

And if you know me, I’ll let you talk your heart out after I’m done. I promise I won’t butt in.